The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
