Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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