it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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