So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
