One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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