vagina is talking i cant
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
