i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
