searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
