Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
