my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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