OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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