I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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