Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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