I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
