I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Vodka?
Forever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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