Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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