So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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