the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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