i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
