Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
