Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
