Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
