Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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