You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
