if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
