How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
