I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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