As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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