hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
