If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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