i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
