We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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