if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
