I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
