You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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