What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
