if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
