big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize