he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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