She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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