super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
