how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
