i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
