he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
