I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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