Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Vodka?
Forever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
