dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
