I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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