i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
