Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
