Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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