I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
