it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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