And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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