He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
