I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
