This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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