My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
