where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize